10 Years!!!

Hello World...ten years later! 😪 Fair enough to say that life has gotten the better of my time. I have not been writing, but it is good to discover this space again. I will try to be more consistent posting some new stuff some old. Even if no one reads this I am so lucky to rediscover this space again. :0

Finals Week and Other Junk!

So I know its been a while since I posted, not making excuses but I have been extremely busy. Anyways, so I am in my last year of college. I must say it hasn't been as easy as I have thought, but everything is starting to come together. So as I get closer and closer to my graduation date, I am becoming a bit anxious. Like what is life like after graduation, and of course I have the typical preoccupations; Jobs? Apartments? Grad School? and Money? But I think I'll be okay. Aside from that everything has been okay. People have been getting under my skin lately. But I think this is all apart of me growing up. Haven't had much time to entertain drama, or anything like that. I am starting to come into my own. Something I must say I am very proud of! Back to what's important! WRITING!!!!!! Haven't had much time to write which is not a good thing. Honestly, haven't had much time for myself. Not expecting any pity but it is the truth. A couple of weeks ago I did write a small poem, and I must say it is sassy LOL but it is how I felt at the time. I have no title for it yet...So here it is

Yearning for your hands to touch my...
For lips to kiss me right on my...
for your eyes to invite me into your soul
For passion to elevate our bodies and spirits.
Only I know how much I want to please you..
but I can't
At least not right now.
But soon enough
I promise
Promise to give you....
All of me...
and
you
Better
believe
I am
Expecting
Nothing
But the best from you...

-Alysha

The lonely do survive

Loneliness…

Fills

My heart

Exploding

Elements

Follow...

Me

Your voice

In every

Whisper

The wind.

Has to offer…

Me

The rain

Drops on my lips

Reminded of

Saccharine kisses.

The heat

The sun

reminds me...

The passion...

Consumes us

Wrap covers around

Me

Haunted...

By your embrace.

The pavement

a lingering reminder

Of the distance that is

Constantly

Driving us insane

The elements…

Bringing

Me back to you

Somewhat feeling

Closer to your soul

Until

I close my eyes

For a second

Something conjures my spirit

I remember

you aren’t really with me

A deep breath

Burying

Emotions

In the back of my mind

Until

The breeze

blows

again

Reminding me

That you are always there.

In

my

heart…

You have a

Strong...

Hold on me

Breaking...

Is useless

Because you have a part of my soul

And

You can never be far enough

For me

Not...

To feel you

Untitled

I wish that things weren't so complicated. I wish I could verbalize every emotion that I have ever felt and say it to you. I wish I was able to change things, I wish there was a button that I could press to go back in time and fix us and make things the way we both imagined, the way we both expected things to be. I wish that there was some way I could fulfill your needs,and wants. I wish that I could give you everything you deserve, every star in the sky, every moment of joy that your heart could feel, every piece of time that we always seem to take for granted. I hate the fact that I can't right now but for right now all I can do is accept the past, plan for the future, and change the present.

New Post & Excuses!

Hey Guys and Girls,

Im sorry I haven't posted in a couple of months but I've been going through. School has really been hectic. I have some new pieces that I plan on putting up here for everyone to see this winter, when I finally get a free moment to myself. A lot of new stories! I really want to finish editing Unspoken as well as Weeds. There is so much potential there to just let it all sit idle. The problem with Unspoken is that my computer crashed so aside from the sensory exercise that I posted her, my story is gone! I'm glad I made a hard copy of it though. Now I have to transcribe it back to my computer. Ughhh! But bear with me on that! I hope everyone is enjoying their holiday season! Thanks for reading!

Alysha

Weeds

The beeping from the heart monitor slowly brought Allison back to consciousness. The sterile smell always reminded her of where she was and why. The white walls suddenly made her feel clean and free from the foulness of the world. From the foulness of the disease that was seemingly destroying her. She felt weary. Her body was starting to shut down. Her eyes were heavy and dry. It almost became painful to move them. She looked over and saw Jackie there. She never left Allison’s side. Jackie had the blanket draped over her body and her feet hung over the chair; she was visibly uncomfortable. Allison wasn’t expected to make it through the night, so Jackie came to the hospital, so that Henry could go and get the children ready for school. Allison rang the bell for the nurse. It startled Jackie. She looked up at Allison, her eyes red from crying all night. Allison smiled at her and said “Good Morning.” She stretched her arms forward and got out of the maroon chair. She rubbed her hands and asked Allison how was she feeling. She answered with a routine response.
“Jackie, I’m dying, how do you think I feel?”
She ignored her and opened the curtains “What do you need from the nurse?”
“She has to check my vitals”
“How is your stomach feeling?“
“Better than yesterday.” She rang the bell again.
“Good because I brought you a sweet tea from Lucille’s”
“Yum! Let me have it”
She opened the brown bag, and took out the Mason jar filled with dark tea, and opened it. She placed the straw inside and brought it towards Allison’s lips. The tea was a bit warm but it was her favorite thing from Lucille’s.
Jackie and Allison met in college. They had a philosophy class together. Jackie always sat behind Allison. It wasn’t until the teacher put them into the same group, that they actually spoke to each other. Eager to a make friend, they talked throughout the group activity and got no work done. They realized that they had many things in common and became inseparable.
Both of them were polar opposites. Jackie was now one of the most prominent family lawyers in the Richmond area. While Allison was a high school counselor. When Jackie was beginning her career, Allison was walking down the aisle with her college sweetheart, Henry. While Allison was having children, Jackie was putting in long hours at the office. Allison always felt badly because she always sensed loneliness in Jackie’s eyes. She wasn’t able to have a start a life with someone and that was a source of agony for Jackie. She loved her career, but she longed for someone to share her accomplishments with. Jackie wasn’t the domestic type. She hardly ever cooked, and she hired a Merry Maid to come to her home every two weeks to tidy up her place. While Allison fell in love with the family life. She felt great knowing that dinner was cooked, the house was clean, the children had done their homework, ate and where now asleep, everyone’s clothes here pressed and laid out, all under her watch and by the time Henry returned home.

One of Allison’s favorite things to do was garden. There was rarely a time where her garden went untended. Allison grew kale, tomatoes, squash, parsley, and sometimes beets. Jackie would come over every Sunday to help tend the garden, something that Allison was always fond of. They would talk about the men in her life, how big the children have gotten. Allison would unload her problem to Jackie and Jackie did the same. That’s where Allison told her she was pregnant eight years ago. That’s where Jackie told her about her dates on Friday night. That’s where Jackie told Allison about her mother’s death seven years ago and where Allison told her about her pregnancy six years ago. When Jackie or Allison had a problem, that where they helped each other solve it.
The garden was where she told Jackie that she cancer 5 years ago. One of the hardest conversations she had in her life. Allison’s hear raced as soon as she saw Jackie’s car pull up to her house. They both walked to the garden and sat down in the patio chairs that Allison set up for them.
“I have something very important to tell you, Jackie”
“What, are you pregnant again. Girl you are way too fertile. I told you-“
“No! I have ovarian cancer.”
She looked puzzled. “What” she whispered
“I have cancer,” Allison repeated.
“How…? Why? How did this happen?” she quizzed as tears rolled down her face
“I don’t know, but it’s starting to spread. The doctors say that it isn’t looking good. I am going to have my ovaries removed, and do whatever it takes to be here for my sons, but I can’t promise anything” Allison wiped the tears from her own face and then got up and hugged Jackie who was hysterical. She wiped her eyes and asked, “Are you staying for dinner because I want to pick some of the kale so that I can cook it”, awkwardly changing the subject. She left Jackie to her own thoughts and proceeded to play around in the garden. She didn’t want to talk about it anymore, and she didn’t.
The nurse entered the room and looked at the machine they had Allison hooked up to. Henry slightly opened the door. He still had on his suit. He kissed Allison’s forehead. The nurse continued to look through the charts until the heart monitor’s beep began to get closer and closer. Allison’s eyes rolled in the back of her head and she began to seize. The nurse ran out of the room and got the doctor. Henry grabbed Jackie and they both left the room. Jackie was horrified. She cried in Henry’s arm, both of them distraught about the idea of losing Allison today. They waited and waited until the doctor came out of the room. The doctor came over and told them about what had just happened. “That seizure took a lot out of her, she is extremely tired, and I think today will be the day that she passes on” He took Henry to sign some papers and Jackie returned to the room.
Allison was asleep. She looked peaceful. Jackie pulled the maroon chair next to her and held her hand. Jackie wanted to say so many things but she could pinpoint just one of her thoughts. “Why are you doing this? Come on you have to fight to be here for the boys. Allison, wake up.” The tears began to flood her eyes. “Allison, I love you.” Her tears fell on Allison’s hand and began to wake her. She slightly opened her eyelids. She tried to talk in her normal voice but that took too much out of her. She whispered, “Don’t let my boys grow up without a mother. Be as good of a friend to Henry as you have been to me. Jackie experience life, don’t let you job dictate how you live your life. Tell Henry its okay to love again. And make sure my garden always lives on through you. You are the only one who knows how to keep it nice and weed free.” She laughed. “Jackie, I’m going to be fine, it’s just my time to go and be with my savior.” She tried to bring Jackie’s hand to her lips but it proved to be too much of a task. Jackie leaned over and kissed her forehead. “Don’t be sad now.”
Henry slightly opened the door and saw his wife. He pulled out her favorite lip balm and spread it on her dry lips. “Jackie, leave me with him.” Jackie left the room and waited in the waiting area.
“Baby, we can still take you somewhere else or try another treatment-“
“I’m tired, Henry”
“No you can’t do this to me. What about me? What about the boys? You can’t leave us, Allison. We are nothing, I am nothing without you.” A tear streamed from his eye.
“Are we going to spend this moment arguing or are you going to lay with me and tell me how much you love me”
He listened to her, and called Jackie back into the room. Henry lay in the hospital bed with Allison, while Jackie sat right by her side. They all talked about life and their lives together. By the time the sun rose for the next morning, Allison was gone. Henry and Jackie awoke to the sound of her heart monitor failing.
Jackie pulled up to Allison’s house. She walked to the back and was surprisingly met by a garden of weeds. She didn’t want to tamper with them but she knew Allison would have a fit. She got down on her hands and knees and began pulling up the weeds. She cried a little but she was happy. To Jackie, the weeds were a sign of Allison’s life. She was alive through her Jackie, Henry, her son’s and lastly her garden.

On Being An Adult

           Don’t you just hate when people say to you be an adult about things, especially if that person is the same age as you, or doing the same things that you are doing. When prompted by this statement, I simply let it go because to put briefly I am an adult. But when I really thought about this statement, I began to question my adulthood. Lets start to explore this statement with step one, defining the term. Everyone already knows what be, and an mean.. a verb and an indefinite article respectively. The word adult is defined in the Merriam and Webster’s Dictionary as “fully developed and mature: grown-up”. Now this led to another question that popped into my mind. Does this definition describe physicality or some ones mental state? If it is describing ones physical being then in a sense we are all adults. But if it is describing someone mental, then we must dig deeper into what exactly is mature? This led me to many different sources by simply typing into the Merriam Webster Online Dictionary, I got this definition “(1): having completed natural growth and development: ripe (2): having undergone maturation b: having attained a final or desired state”. Now it is obvious that the first definition is talking about ones physicality. The second and third, however, are the ones that indeed puzzle me. 

       Let us start with the third, “having attained a final or desired state”. This made me think a little that if we are all striving to attain that final or desired state, then when do we ever mature, or do we ever mature? A desired state could be anything from getting all A’s on a report card to being content in ones on skin. With desired states that are so broad, how can we tell who the adults are and who are the children. A final, desired state is far too broad to weed out adults; some people are still growing and maturing and may never reach that final state until they are dead. Now addressing definition number 2, “having undergone maturation”. To completely and utterly understand this definition, you have to have an understanding of maturation is. According to Merriam and Webster’s Dictionary, “the emergence of personal and behavioral characteristics through growth processes”. Now I know this is a ton of dictionary stuff but bear with me, I’m making a point here! 

         “The emergence of personal and behavioral characteristics through growth processes” Well if the above is true then technically we are immature until the day our growth processes seize or in laymen’s terms the day we die, for we are a species that are forever growing and forever learning. So how can you tell me to be an adult, when that is mentally impossible? People believe because you are of a certain age, that along with that age comes maturity and that is definitely not the case. “Being an adult” is in fact an illusion; something that society thus far has tricked us into believing. We are expected to hit the age of 18, and then all of a sudden have this magical transformation into being an “adult”, but what most people don’t realized is that adult of older and more responsible children. This is because the learning process never stops. The growth process never stops, so who are you to tell me to grow up and be an adult…when you aren’t even one yourself.

Written 1/10/2009